Rewind

I never understood blogging before, especially when they include monotanous pieces of peoples' lives that no one cares about. But today, sitting on my couch, angry and feeling a little bleak, I thought maybe...I could just write it all down and have some of me that other people can relate to.

 I recently (a year ago) got married to a man that I love ridiculously much, a dream come true in my book. For most of the first year we were seperated, both in the military and at seperate bases. We finally got stationed together in September and I was optimistic that our life in Cali would be just what I imagined, what I expected. In many ways it is. In other ways, not so much. Marriage and love altogether isn't what Disney makes us believe as little girls.

They say true love is giving unconditional love without expecting anything in return. There are several hiccups in that statement. Unconditional love in and of itself is a ridiculous feat. Loving someone no matter what? it sounds so easy. But it is in reality the freakin hardest thing I've ever done. As for not having expectations of anything in return??? That just goes against life--I mean, I'm good at the dentist and I get ice cream, action and reward, come on!!

The reality that marriage isn't like that, hit me today. It's not bad, it's not the end of my marriage by any means, it's just a little harsh and I feel like pouting a little bit.

Second lesson I learned today, is don't feel guilty for something that isn't your fault. You cannot control the universe, and just because you want to make everything good for your man doesn't mean you can. And once you realize that, the better off you'll be.

Third lesson, the past is just that, the past. But it never disappears.