How does he do that?

You know those days where you just feel disgusting and fat, nothing fits and you're either bummed out or freaking out (if you're trying to get dressed to go somewhere)? It happens to every girl, we can't explain it, so don't ask us. I had one of these days yesterday, and initially my husband looked at me and said "what the hell is wrong with you?" Immediately I wanted to punch him in the gut and say "what the hells wrong with YOU?!?!"  A few minutes later he came back kissed me, and said "babe, you look amazing in whatever you put on." Regardless of whether thats necessarily true, regardless if he's just biased, it was like the whole world was happy again, and pink and rainbows, and i felt giddy. How does he do that? <3

Men and their gadgets

So here’s a common issue some ladies might run into nowadays….a husband/boyfriend who seems attached by an invisible lanyard to his phone or computer, and who zones out so completely that you can walk in front of him butt ass naked and he wouldn’t even notice. What the….really???!?! I’ll admit, my first thought was to bemoan my situation and the burden of having such a insensitive man as my husband. Oh yeah, biiiiig pity party for me. My second thought was ok how do I change it, because I sure as heck ain’t gonna sit here it and have that. While there are groups that suggest you should never try to change your man, I believe that in some areas..such as this…you can make it known that you feel ignored without coming across as a force that is trying to direct his life. My way of going about it is to turn it into a joke…such as…when he finally acknowledges my existence on the planet, I say “oh cool baby, im glad you know that im here!” with a smile and maybe a kiss. Guys are pretty simple in that if you make it cute and a little playful, they usually don’t get mad. Of course I learned about that after the time I lost my mind and said “will you at least freaking kiss me when we wake up before you reach for the stupid phone I’ve been replaced with?!?!” Oh yes, believe me, I sometimes hate modern technology.

I’m learning that there are some things that I will just have to put up with, things that aren’t really a huge issue in the big picture, just a huge issue in my mind for reasons that I create. Guys have a pride thing, when they feel attacked, regardless of whether or not they are wrong, they will not respond. This says to me that 1.) I have to choose my battles 2.) I have to be strategic in my methods and 3.) I need to watch for his efforts to change…because they’re there, we just have to zoom out from our idea of perfection and pay attention to the small things. One quote I heard recently that I love is “Expectations are just pre-meditated resentments.” I can not emphasize the truth of that statement.

What do you do...

...when your man isn't satisfied with his job, when he doesn't feel challenged enough, when he feels like he has no direction? Me--I'm the kind of person who tends to try and find a solution, especially when something affects me. So I offer suggestions, trying to help...but the truth is, sometimes he just needs to mope. And I just need to leave him alone.

Rewind

I never understood blogging before, especially when they include monotanous pieces of peoples' lives that no one cares about. But today, sitting on my couch, angry and feeling a little bleak, I thought maybe...I could just write it all down and have some of me that other people can relate to.

 I recently (a year ago) got married to a man that I love ridiculously much, a dream come true in my book. For most of the first year we were seperated, both in the military and at seperate bases. We finally got stationed together in September and I was optimistic that our life in Cali would be just what I imagined, what I expected. In many ways it is. In other ways, not so much. Marriage and love altogether isn't what Disney makes us believe as little girls.

They say true love is giving unconditional love without expecting anything in return. There are several hiccups in that statement. Unconditional love in and of itself is a ridiculous feat. Loving someone no matter what? it sounds so easy. But it is in reality the freakin hardest thing I've ever done. As for not having expectations of anything in return??? That just goes against life--I mean, I'm good at the dentist and I get ice cream, action and reward, come on!!

The reality that marriage isn't like that, hit me today. It's not bad, it's not the end of my marriage by any means, it's just a little harsh and I feel like pouting a little bit.

Second lesson I learned today, is don't feel guilty for something that isn't your fault. You cannot control the universe, and just because you want to make everything good for your man doesn't mean you can. And once you realize that, the better off you'll be.

Third lesson, the past is just that, the past. But it never disappears.